Sengoku 3 review how to#
Sengoku 3 review full#

There are a grand total of two sword attacks which are essentially the same attack. Within seconds he is almost subjugated by a dragon and is beset on all sides by pissed-off samurai and floating skulls. Disappointing.Ĭurrent stock time period: the glorious year of 15XX. Etienne is also rendered with little care, and the tight yellow shirt which stops midway up his torso and his hip-huggers seem like afterthoughts. From this extremely early point, one can also notice the bland, reused backgrounds, and they do NOT get any better. To top it off, when he slashes his sword in a graceful upward arc, the long end of the mullet bounces and sways to and fro.

Sengoku 3 review full#

It starts promisingly enough, with mullet-wielding Cornwallis being told by a random person to 'BRING THESE MEN TO HELP.' One might pause to notice how sexy Cornwallis looks: his tight purple shirt and leggings and possibly an eyepatch all look good until you notice that his mullet is rendered with enough skill to bring the sheer power of the 80s' awesomest hairstyle to full life. With that in place, you can now fully understand my disappointment in the follow-up. Etienne and Cornwallis walk off into the sunset to buy some Chalupas.

Robert Z'Dar is driven to suicide after Matthew Broderick flies in and forces him to play Tic-Tac-Toe with himself.

Then, he and Etienne battled all 14 incarnations of Robert Z'Dar while all of Europe burned around them. Cornwallis could only watch his buddies being anally subjugated for so long before taking action and cutting all 78,039 of them in half with his personal exacto knife. On the bus to Omsk, several multi-dimensional demons from the northernmost frostbitten planet of the Geist system, led by an undead Robert Z'Dar clone, decided to subjugate the human race, starting with several of the American atheletes. It turned out Cornwallis was a natural, and within weeks he was training for the 199X Olympics.

Sengoku 3 review how to#

'Sweetheart,' Cornwallis purred, his mullet bushy like he was in a hair band, 'Can you teach me how to fence?' Etienne agreed being mute, he responded by massaging his friend's bulging trapezius muscles even harder. In the year 199X, a drifter by the name of Cornwallis Cowznofski lounged in a turkish bath with his lifelong companion, Etienne, at his side. What? You didn't play it? For those of you who missed out, here's a Cliff's Notes version: Today's subject, the conglomeration of virtual ejacu-late known as Sengoku 2 (which translates roughly to 'Blonde Mullet Blood Orgy 2'), does not even care to establish its plot, because everyone in the United States is familiar with the Sengoku saga, making an exhaustive recap totally unnecessary. Now, I'm not totally against throwing together a bunch of set-pieces and not even bothering to link them with a storyline. It's never too late to drop the old dependable Daikatana joke, I say. SNK has made the first game totally according to surrealist principles, and if it were done today, John Romero would more or less be involved. Today's subject, the conglomeration of virtual ejacu-late known as Sengoku 2 (which tr.'īy the leather of my bootstraps, they've gone out and done it. 'By the leather of my bootstraps, they've gone out and done it.